november 25, 2014
My baby boy turned four last week. It's been four years since he made me a mother and changed everything forever. It's difficult to remember life without him by my side, yet hard to believe that there is no baby left in his long limbs. It's been an amazing honor to spend every day with him, help him learn, and watch him grow.
He is such a smart, funny, and sensitive little person. For months, I have been watching with pride at how mature and easy going he's become. His confidence is building, and he is opening up and talking more freely with friends, and even new people. But after a fall filled with few tantrums and the best of behavior, we have hit a rough patch in the last few weeks.
He doesn't want to go to school or speech therapy anymore, and every morning is a battle. He tells me that he is going to knock down his school, and all schools, so that he can't go. He just wants to stay home with me and his sister. He also begs me not to teach on the two nights that I leave an hour before his bedtime. Almost every morning, he asks what we are doing that day, if I am going to teach that night... I sense that he feels his plate is just too full, but it is difficult to know how to make it better.
I deliberately haven't enrolled him in any extracurricular activities, it's simply three mornings of preschool and two mornings with a short speech class. I imagine many kids have far more scheduled days, but for him, it's a lot... and I hate seeing him so clearly uncomfortable with the pace.
I debate if I should cut back on teaching or take some time off, if I should pull him out of preschool or reduce speech class to a single day. I sift through all of the possibilities over and over, but ultimately I think these commitments are good for him, or good for me... it feels like we are both holding our nose and drinking down some awful tasting medicine, and I am just hoping that I am right, that this is what is best for both of us in the long run.
And we are working to make the most of all the free time that we do have together. It's easy to burn through these short winter days on errands, but taking the twenty minutes to walk, instead of driving to school, talking and collecting leaves along the way, it makes all the difference.
To my buggy, happiest of birthdays. You are the sweetest and most curious four year old that I know, and I am grateful for everything that you have taught me, and excited for all of the adventures ahead. May this year be filled with lots of fun, and many slow days to explore your heart's desire.
three / two / one
three / two / one