snowshoe at the garden / march 1, 2015
The problem with a life booked to full capacity, is that piling on even the smallest bonus commitment upsets that precarious balance. It seems more and more frequent that I find myself gratefully presented with some promising opportunity; in work, in life, and I often don't want to say 'no', but I also don't really want to say 'yes'.
I feel a general swell of encouragement for mothers to maintain their own interests and identity, to not get pulled into the undertow of single-minded parenthood. There have been countless moments when I clung to that support, feeling desperate to define myself outside of these two small people, who have rendered my life unrecognizable in a just few short years.
And yet... my own reality seems to be that the deepest bliss is found in hiding under the covers of motherhood, allowing myself to become completely swallowed up and lost in that role, even at the expense of my other passions and interests.
I fight that temptation to quit everything, and I take on new opportunities that inspire me, so long as they can be squeezed into the margins around full-time parenting. The hope is that I can continue to grow as my own independent woman, alongside my children. Because we all know that the time moves quickly, and soon these babies will be gone, and the wisdom is that I need to nurture myself, my marriage, and my work... ultimately those are the constants.
It's good to strive for balance, and that's what we've been doing over here these days. Still, it does pull at me, because we all know that the time moves quickly, and soon these babies will be gone, and I would love nothing more than to dwell in the fulfillment of motherhood, for as long as my luck holds out.