December 6, 2011

Try and Try Again

We've been having this crazy warm kick-off to winter here in New England so yesterday I was lucky enough to meet up with two "mommy-friends", grab some lunch and enjoy an afternoon with the kiddos in the park. I feel really lucky to have met a couple of ladies who I actually would enjoy hanging out with even if we didn't have babies toddlers the same age. I didn't have that many friends locally before Little Smith was born so now that I'm not working it feels more important than ever to find time to meet up and have some form of adult conversation now and again..

Today the topic of that conversation was all about the second baby. I guess it has crossed my mind (if by crossed my mind you mean I've sat around obsessing over good sibling names, daydreamed of having a girl, and even found myself test driving a double BOB stroller at REI over the week-end... not that I'm actually saying that out loud to anyone!) but most of the other mothers of one year olds that I know are already much further ahead in their planning and are actively trying or getting close. While the idea of it is great and having been an only child I really do want LS to have a sibling and not be that far apart in age... there is just no way I could have another baby anytime soon. I'm so tired that I can't imagine being pregnant and doing everything else. I'm still breast feeding so I don't feel like my body is really even my own yet and I also feel like I'm finally back to pre-baby shape and I imagine that's even harder the second time around. Big Smith also works such long hours that we barely have enough time to catch up and make another baby let alone care for one!

But I am envious when I hear about other people being pregnant. There's a huge part of me that wants this now even though it's totally unrealistic and wouldn't be the right thing for more reasons than I've even listed. What is this crazy impulse to have another baby when my first isn't even toddling yet and why does it seem to hit so many of us? Would I be feeling this way if I'd had a girl first? I think I would. I guess for now I'll just keep collecting baby names and cross my fingers that some day I'll find a use for them... even if it is for the family dog.

1 comment:

  1. Hi mama Smith,

    I only discovered your blog just now. I love it. Congratulations. Little Smith is a gorgeous and cute boy!

    I know the unrealistic feeling of desiring and longing for another baby while still breastfeeding... Although rationally we didn't want it, it did happen unintentionally and our little girl came exactly 18 months after my boy - 3.5 weeks early though (my girl is now 10.5 months).
    It was what I had always hoped for (since my brother and I are only 16 months apart so we always had a playfriend). It is also so much fun to watch how they look and smile at each other. The first thing my boy asks in the morning is "where is my little sister" and he doesn't like it at all when she is sleeping. It was definitively a good thing for him as he was (and still is) very mom-addicted. My girl is more independent from the day she got born.
    I can tell you though that the last 2.5 years have been intense, extremely tiring and tough. My girl finally sleeps through the nights after 10 months, it took my boy 2 years to do that. I am still looking for ways how to manage each day and find at least half an hour to myself.

    Good luck on your decision ;-)

    PS I'm not a native English speaker so excuse my English