July 2, 2014

Alone In The Garden


I spend so little time alone these days. When Little Smith was a baby, I actually rarely yearned for 'me time'. There was a certain peace to our routine. Obviously he babbled and cried and there were many demands, but there was also enough silence for some daily self reflection... to just hear my own voice inside my head. 

Over the years that has shifted, and now I am dazzled by the pleasure of having an actual conversation with my three year old. It's a crazy, unbelievable, amazing thing to sit and talk to a human being that, it seems just yesterday, was a drooling baby. Nothing delights me more than listening to his wild views on the world. It's a true honor, but the thing is... it's never quiet anymore. 

He is always talking, or asking me to feed him or watch him do something. Even when he plays by himself (a skill I don't take for granted), he is talking. And if by some miracle he decides to be quiet, the baby will inevitably fill that gap. And so, while I took easily to the 'accompanied aloneness' that comes with staying home to look after a small baby, and I hardly related to the isolation of new parenthood that many of my friends reported, I now do struggle to carve out enough solitude to keep my sanity. 

James walks in the door from a long day at work and flips things on; radio, television, lights... and I just want to turn everything off again. I 'unwind' in silence, and I'm only just learning this about myself. And so, on these long days of summer, I am stealing those last moments of evening light for myself. A walk, a trip to the garden, picking peas and radishes and trying to beat the rain. All alone, and without a word. 

5 comments:

  1. I have very chatty 3 and 5 year olds... I fee like I could have written parts of this post! Silence is unbelievably precious to me these days and I also never realized how much I need it until recently. and my husband does the same thing at the end of the day too (what is it about turning the lights on when there's still plenty of natural light at 6 or 7pm?)! When I do get alone time without the kids, one of the first places I go is the "quiet room" at the library. A special super quiet room in an already quiet place is my favorite getaway now, even if it's only for half an hour.

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    1. I love the idea of taking refuge in the library, I will definitely put that on my list of hide-aways! Thanks so much :)

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  2. Your garden looks like a beautiful spot for reflection. I know just how you feel. I am someone who needs alone time too. And I like a couple of hours to unwind before bed. But my kids are hard to get to bed before 10:00 now, and then I end up falling asleep shortly after.

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  3. Me too! I unwind in complete silence. Sometimes I just want to scream "Quiet!!!" but it is rarely quieter than a dull roar around here! Your garden looks lovely.

    Just checking in on blogs again after a long quiet hiatus and it brought me such pleasure to see your new posts! That ice cream tasting is so cute too. :)

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  4. Funny - I realized this as well as the kids were at their grandparents and i sat in the shade and picked creeping charlie out of the lawn for 2 hrs and felt really good about it.

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