I have been struggling with a case of the nerves as we get close to the point in this pregnancy where my blood pressure jumped in the last one. We decided to prescribe a big dose of relaxation for this past week-end. Very little was accomplished, which was a big change of pace and much needed.
The boys went to the garden and picked garlic scapes and peas and greens for us to enjoy, we brought Little Smith to his very first movie in a real theater (a special showing of Earth which he absolutely loved), and we filled up the kiddie pool and splashed and put our feet up and barbecued in our little yard.
Then came my appointment with the midwife this morning... and my blood pressure was high. Not insanely high (as it was when I was ultimately forced to induce last time), but high enough that it was more than nerves and set off the alarms- literally. I spent the better part of the day in the hospital, getting my blood pressure monitored in various positions and waiting for a bunch of lab work. Happily I was released for the time being, and I get at least a few days before the next dreaded blood pressure check. I'm holding out hope that things stay steady, and this baby girl gets a few more weeks to grow inside my belly.
Of course I'm grateful that I'm coming up on 35 weeks and the baby is in a place where she can be delivered safely, I know so many people struggle with much earlier births and far more serious situations. Still, I am feeling very blue about it all. I want more time... to be pregnant, to grow a healthy baby, to spend quality time with my baby boy and my husband. These thoughts aren't productive and I realize it's not where I should be putting my mental energy, but at the moment I can't help it, I'm just a little sad.
So I will be spending the next few days thinking low blood pressure thoughts, showering Little Smith with my undivided attention, sleeping as much as I can, and taking lots of deep breaths. Hopefully this will just be a little bump, and everything will end up going smoothly. Ultimately what is meant to be will be, and I know how lucky I am. I'm still working to surrender to my lack of control. That's always been a hard learned lesson for me, but I'm getting there.