slowing way down attempts at stomach settling craving citrus by the barrels
So here we are, after months of saying how 'sick' I am and not really wanting to say why, I am ready to share our good news... I'm pregnant! Of course we are thrilled and excited. Without taking away an ounce of that joy, I will say it has been a tough couple months. I've been sicker than sick, something I never experienced the first time around, and it's been a crazy challenge just to go about our daily life. I am nearing thirteen weeks and I had been pinning a lot of hope on turning a corner at twelve, that did not happen so now I've got my mind set on fourteen. Please, please feel better by fourteen weeks!
The hardest part of not feeling well has been trying desperately to still be a decent mama to Little Smith. I always knew that I wanted more than one child, but the last few years of growing a deep one-on-one connection with this little person has been the most fulfilling experience of my life. James and I talked a lot about the trade offs of expanding our family, and we do feel that giving Little Smith a partner in crime will be an incredible gift in the long run. Still, it was a big and emotional leap to decide to share my time, attention, and love... and I expected to have about nine months to adjust to the idea. Getting so sick so early has meant lots of compromises already that I wasn't really prepared for; more TV, ready-made meals, lots of disposable diapers, less activities and library sing-a-longs and playdates. It's really hard to feel like you can't be the parent that you want to each day or even do the most basic things that typically bring you joy (cooking... how I miss you!).
BUT, all that said I am truly so very grateful and happy, we both are. Little Smith has no idea what we're talking about yet, but he's happy too in his own way. James has been great, cleaning and doing laundry until all hours of the night after long work days, and I am finally starting to get back to some of my old routines. I'm not completely sure if I'm feeling a bit better or just getting used to being sick, but hopefully it's a sign of less queasy days ahead. It's exciting to be pregnant again, and even more exciting to imagine meeting this new person in the heat of late summer!