October 17, 2012

My Son

 
The first few years after I got married it felt really odd to say 'husband', like I was playing dress up or house and that grown-up word couldn't possibly apply to my immature self. Of course this is coming from someone who still feels silly wearing any visible lipstick or high heels, I'm a slow bloomer or possibly suffer from a Peter Pan complex. No matter how independent I become, I still feel like a kid. A kid with emerging crow's feet.

 
Having a child is an excellent recipe for growing up in a hurry. Luckily I had prepared myself for that abrupt call to adulthood and was fully expecting to be overwhelmed, but I actually surprised myself with how natural the transition felt. I instantly embraced words like 'mother' and 'child' with ease. This little baby was 'my baby' and it rolled off the tongue.
 
 
And then Little Smith got bigger. So big that he really is not 'my baby' anymore, he's a little boy. A few weeks ago I overheard Big Smith casually call him 'my son' and it completely threw me. I literally had a fraction of a second where I thought, 'how funny that he's saying he has a son'. I can't say why, but 'son' has proven to be just as big a stumbling block as 'husband' was a few years ago when it was still fresh.

It's a lovely word; sweet, simple, and conjures the radiance of the other sun. I'm very proud to have a son, it's just kind of freaking me out to say it.
 
 
So I'm breaking it in, throwing 'son' out there every chance I get and resisting the temptation to retreat to 'my little boy' (which just sounds far more normal- right?!).
 
Baby steps toward adulthood, hopefully I can stay at least a few paces ahead of my son.





20 comments:

  1. I so know that feeling - I think my bump to reality was turning forty this year...it really knocked the wind out of me, I can't say I'm a thirty something any more, but I always remember my gran telling me - in her grand old age - that she never got older then her mid twenties...in her mind, it was just her body (and face) that aged.

    Gorgeous pictures by the way - Little Smith has the most beautiful eyes.

    Nina x

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  2. Haha - it IS weird sometimes, isn´t it?! :-)

    Cuuute pics, you both look adorable!

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  3. I'm so with you-- as I always told my kids, there is no "adult day" when you suddenly wake up & fully comprehend adulthood. I still feel like a kid, & I have a feeling that no matter how many gray hairs or wrinkles I get, I always will.

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  4. I totally relate to that, haven't uttered 'son' yet. But I can totally get away with 'baby' for another year!

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  5. These pictures are beautiful. I'm jealous that your husband knows how to work a camera as I have barely any candid photos of Alice and me together. Time to teach mine how to work a camera.

    I had THE hardest time saying husband at first, too. It just felt so.... serious! Or maybe it's because I'd spent most of my life referring to romantic relationships as 'boyfriends' and then, all of a sudden, he was a HUSBAND!

    And funny you say the 'son' thing. I just got home from working out and, in a conversation with another person at the gym, I said 'my daughter' instead of 'my baby' or 'my kid' (which I say a lot!). And I stumbled a bit on that word! But I think I need to get comfortable with it as 'my kid' isn't nearly as endearing!

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    1. Thank you, yes he is a wonderful photographer, but his favorite subjects are construction sites and moutains so it's been a gradual progression here too!

      I also say 'my kid' all the time, and you're right it isn't that endearing :)

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  6. Oh my gosh, I KNOW! I never say it! It still freaks me out, and I have a five-year-old! I just say, "My little boys..." because for some reason saying "sons" makes it all serious and grown up. I never even thought about my aversion to this until today! Ha!

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  7. I love these pictures and I totally share the sentiment. Certain words just feel funny! Particularly fiance...I never got used to that one and was glad it was short-lived.

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    1. Yes fiancee is the very worste title- that one was totally off the table for me!

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  8. I completely agree to that whole "son" and "daughter" thing. But then I'm totally with you on being a child myself with emerging crows-feet. Which I don't see on you, by the way. You're gorgeous, and your SON is gorgeous, too.

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  9. Your son is sooo adorable and he's a young handsome fella! ;) I understand what you mean "The first few years after I got married it felt really odd to say 'husband'", I felt the exact same way too! Haha.

    Btw I've followed your blog, let's follow each other? I love reading your blog! :)

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  10. I also feel very immature inside. I don't think that will ever change. I had a black lab once who never matured, and she lived to a ripe old age, so I think it's a good thing. As for Little Smith, he is still a baby. Put him in the middle of a group of school kids and you will see that quickly. They start to look big to us moms when they are really so small. Even now, my son is 10 and I remind myself that he is still my little boy for a few more years.

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    1. I think you are right about him seeming like a baby to others, all the 3-5 year old's on the playground LOVE to call him baby. He just seems like such a big boy to me :)

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  11. beautiful photos! I go through similar emotions. I was fine with baby, and then toddlers. But now I have to call my kids preschoolers (and my almost 5 year old is big enough for the older-kid clothes section in stores, yikes!) But in a lot of ways, they will always be my babies.

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  12. How funny - I can relate to the "husband" and "son" thing too! Why is that? Oh well - I'll join you in the slow progression of growing up. ;)

    xo
    cortnie

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  13. This post is just gorgeous - the words, photos, sentiment. I get this as I used to feel very similar. Having two little ones, especially now that they are getting older/bigger and are positively their own person has aged me in the most beautiful way. I thank them every day.

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  14. This is so sweet (and you two are adorable)! I feel very similarly. Already I'm beginning to feel a little funny when I refer to Audrey as a "baby" - because she is growing so fast. But "daughter" feels like too big of a word for her!

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  15. Oh, I totally understand! I still feel a bit funny telling people I have three boys at home!
    You both look so beautiful - can definitely see you in your son. :)
    Ronnie xo

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  16. I love this post! lol. Maybe one day I will have a son too, for now we have our three little girls.

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