I keep hearing about everyone being pregnant. It might be one of those things, like when you decide you like a saffron color and then suddenly it seems to pop up everywhere. It's just being drawn to notice what is already percolating in your brain... or in this case my heart.
Little Smith had a playdate on Friday and my baby mama friend told me she's ten weeks, my cousin and best friend is twenty-two weeks, several women in the toddler classes I take have bellies bursting with second babies. I posted about this a bit previously, but more so than ever all this baby talk (plus my little boy growing out of babyhood) is giving me some serious baby fever!
As much as my heart says baby, I don't think we're quite ready for one (giant sigh). Big Smith asked me if I'd settle for a new fish... and yeah that's a pretty crappy consolation, but I like any new pet so after a lazy morning at home we headed to the pet store.
Little Smith is funny when he's in a new environment. I sometimes worry that he clams up when there's other kids around or with lots of stimulation. I could tell he was enjoying watching all of the birds and fish but he gets very serious. He did a lot of pointing and brow furrowing but zero smiling.
Since there are two designers in this marriage, making a decision, even on a fish, always involves far more discussion that the situation warrants. We finally settled on a Red Velvet Swordtail... which is exactly the same type that we already have.
I wanted LS to stay awake so that he could watch the fish get released into our tank. He got a new ball to occupy him and we talked loudly and pointed out all of the cars and trucks but we lost him about five minutes before pulling into our driveway.
Big Smith sat in the car while he slept and I went inside and had some tea and leftovers... and peace. Peace is rare and wonderful and I had to remind myself how much fewer of these quiet moments I would have
if once I have another baby.
The new fish is settling in nicely and already making friends. Little Smith loves staring at them so they actually come in handy when we need a change of pace (which happens a lot in this wet weather).
fish gazing... woah!
Yes I am still aching for a baby (yeah... didn't think a fish was going to do much for that yearning). But as corny as it sounds, having a low key day like this where I can be with my little family and also have some time to myself does make me realize that I should enjoy what I have in this moment.
I'm a project person, finding happiness in the moment is not easy for me, but I do have something like that right now. LS is asleep after a good day and Big Smith is reading with the cat. I'm finishing this post, pouring a glass of wine, and making a vegetarian version of this for dinner. Tomorrow I know my mind and heart will still reach to find what's next, but for this moment I do have what I want.